Originally, when I bought this dress it was to do a “baby announcement” photoshoot to let everyone and their mother’s know that I FINALLY got a puppy. When I slacked on getting that done, I changed it to being her 1 year birthday photoshoot…
Never did I think that I would use this dress to take photos so that I could hold her in my heart due to lack of her in my life.
I write this with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart and her little paws sticking out from beneath the chair that I’m sitting in.
Rehoming my Pepper girl is one of the toughest decisions that I have ever had to make. I got her to help me deal with my depression and anxiety, but little did I think that she too would need me to be there for her… and I couldn’t. With my work schedule and plans with friends, finding time to dedicate to her was getting more and more difficult. The guilt I feel every time I leave her and my house is gut wrenching and unfair. She doesn’t deserve to be locked up in her crate all day while I’m at work, and the reality is that’s what was happening. That is no life for a dog as fun and active and energetic as her.
No ‘Marley & Me’ or ‘Homeward Bound’ type of movie ever prepared me for this.
In all honesty, what I’ve got going through my brain is the desire to know what will go through hers.
Will she think that I don’t love her? Will she feel abandoned? Will she feel depressed? Will she feel unworthy?
Things that I feel about myself when I lose a person in my life. Now, I know that’s probably stupid to think and when I talked to my psychiatrist, she told me that she doesn’t think that Pepper will feel that way… but it kind of makes you wonder. Who am I to say that dogs don’t feel emotions like that?
Her and I have been through a lot in the last 4 months. From moving apartments to panic attacks and crying sessions. From 9 mile runs to sleeping 13 hours. She has been there. She’s been my little sidekick, my partner in crime.
For my first dog living on my own, Pepper has been incomparable. She’s been an angel and will always have my heart.
Two of my friends who absolutely ADORE her are going to take her. And you know what? I don’t even consider it “rehoming,” I’ve more so been thinking of it as me just sharing this loving, sweet creature with more of the world.
Colorado is gaining the best girl and I’m glad I get to take her there myself and see her new digs. I know she will love it, seeing as she loves the outdoors! I can’t wait to see how happy she is, going on hikes and experiencing a whole new special life with not one, but TWO people who can love on her every day and night.
So, it’s not a goodbye, but a see you later. Whether it’s in this lifetime or another, we will meet again someday, my Pepper girl. You’ve helped me more than you know and I’m so completely in love with you. Thank you for being my little angel dog.
Sincerely and with all of my being,