It has been a HOT minute since I have done the “school” thing, and honestly, I didn’t think that I would ever go back. My last attempt at college left me feeling very unsuccessful and discouraged. From a mental health standpoint, it pushed me over the edge. It was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.
I changed my major 3 times in the first semester… Having to decide what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, at 17, was a lot of pressure. I didn’t even know who I was, let alone what I wanted to do. I partied a lot, well, every weekend to be exact. I didn’t do so great in my classes and when the stress got to be too much, I just stopped going. I would stay in bed, sleeping all day. I thought to myself, “What’s ONE class?” Well, one turned to two and two turned to four. It was depressing. When I wasn’t sleeping, I was partying. School wasn’t my #1 priority.
Somehow, I survived my Freshman Year… somehow. It was nice to be home that first summer to kind of collect myself; I got to put myself back together. Come fall, I felt prepared and knew more of what to expect. I wasn’t going to fuck around anymore. First day of school I was in a cast because I fell drunk, so that was short-lived. I truly don’t understand why it was so hard for me to prioritize. I was always a great student. In high school, I got A’s and B’s; my new reality was C’s and D’s. Then, after spring break that year, my depression got the best of me and put me in the hospital. I moved home the very next day. Thankfully, my professors worked with me and allowed me to finish the semester from home.
So here I am, four years later in the middle of a pandemic, having enrolled back in college. I’ve lived, well survived, a lot of life since then. I am more in-tune with who I am now and what I want to do with my life. Today I started back up at my local community college in the field of Psychology. I’ve spent countless hours, days, weeks, months with therapists and psychiatrists these past four years and they’ve helped me more than they probably will ever know. I want to be able to help someone like that. I want to remind someone of their worth. I want to show someone that their presence is NEEDED in this world and how things wouldn’t be the same without them. A dream of mine is to potentially work at the treatment center that I was a patient at. That place changed my life in the most amazing way. I just want to change someone’s life like that.
So I am embarking on this journey, again, in hopes that I can prove to myself I was made for bigger and better things than I ever imagined. I want to prove the negative thoughts, telling me I’ll never make it, wrong. I’ll show them. I’m going to make it. College, round two, here I come! These are my terms now and I’m about to kick some collegiate ass.